Fight to the Death
by LA-ink13
Summary: When Kensi and Deeks's relationship falls apart, everything else does too, including their partnership. When Deeks is hurt, will Kensi be to late to admit how she feels?


He had finally fallen asleep on the couch sometime after five in the morning. Stretching, trying to get the kink out of his neck he frowned and stared at his watch. It was after eight, and she was still gone. He had hoped that she would sneak in and curl up beside him and fall asleep in his lap. He listened to the silence of the apartment with sadness. He hadn't meant for it to turn out this way.

Last night was supposed to be a fun night out with the team. Instead partway into the night, after a few drinks he and Kensi had ended up in a screaming match that made everyone else at the table uncomfortable. It had ended with her storming off, yelling that they were over and she was spending the night somewhere else.

With a sigh he pulled himself off of the couch and headed into the bedroom. The least he could do today was go into work and clean out his desk. He'd say his goodbyes to Hetty and the team and head back to LAPD where he'd take the first undercover assignment that was handed to him. It would be best that way.

He walked into the Mission with his head held high. If nothing else, he could still try to maintain some sense of dignity while he was leaving. Sam and Callen were already at their desks, waiting for him. He held up his hand before either of them could talk.

"I know I screwed up. I'm just here to clean out my desk and I'll be out of your hair," he looked at them and gave his best grin. "Sorry, bad choice of words. I'll just get my stuff, tell Hetty I'm leaving, and I'm gone."

"No," Sam said softly.

"No what?" Deeks asked.

"You're not leaving," he said. "You're going to take those papers in your top desk drawer and sign them. You're going to turn your badge into the LAPD and you're going to accept the fact that you're an agent."

"I can't stay here Sam," Deeks said, shaking his head. "You were there last night, you know that I can't stay here."

"You forget how to be professional?" Callen asked. "Or forget how to work as a team?"

"No," he said slowly.

"You and Kensi are facing down a bad guy are you going to have her back? Or are you going to toss her to them and run away?" Callen asked.

"You know I'd have her back," he said. "How can you even ask that?"

"Then why are you leaving?" Sam asked, folding his hands on his desk and looking at him.

"You know why," he said bitterly. "Because Kensi doesn't want me here. And she isn't going to stand for me to stay here, and they she's going to make everyone pick sides, and I'll have to leave then."

"What if we don't pick sides," Callen asked. "What if we stay neutral?"

"Neutral?" Deeks shook his head. "She won't let that happen."

"Then we side with you," Sam said calmly. "And if Kensi can't be professional, she needs to leave."

"I can't let you guys force Kensi into leaving," he said shaking his head. "She loves it here, this is home to her. I can't do that to her, I love her too much."

"Just give her some time Deeks," Callen said gently. "Give it a few weeks, and if she can't be professional, and you still want to leave, we won't stop you. But don't just walk away now."

"From her or from the job?" Deeks asked, running his hands through his hair.

"Either," Callen said firmly. "Give her time to come around. She loves you, she's just being Kensi. It'll be fine."

Sam and Callen returned to the paperwork they had been doing and Deeks shrugged. Clearly their talk was over, and he was staying. For now. He was sure there'd be fireworks when Kensi came in, but until then he would just sit and fill out some of the paperwork that was overflowing on his own desk.

Kensi arrived right before lunch and stopped short when she saw Deeks. He looked up at her and gave her his most charming smile.

"Why are you still here?" she asked, throwing her purse onto the desk.

"Because I work here," Deeks said with a shrug. "Why are you so late?"

"I wanted to give you time to get your things out of here before I came to work," she sat down in her chair and stared at him. "You don't work here anymore Deeks. You were only here because of me, and I don't want you here. So back to LAPD where you belong."

"You're the only one that wants be here? That's funny. Because despite you not wanting me here, I'm still here. No one else has asked me to leave," Deeks stared at her, wondering how much of his conversation with Sam and Callen he should reveal.

"Sam, help me out here. Tell Deeks that he isn't wanted," Kensi commanded.

Sam looked up and met Deeks's eyes. "I don't have a problem with him."

Kensi huffed and turned to Callen. "G, help me out here."

"He didn't do anything wrong Kens," Callen said gently. "Maybe you think he did, but he did what he thought was best."

"He stuck his nose where it didn't belong G. You of all people should understand why I'm upset here," she said. "What if Nell did that to you?"

Callen shrugged. "She has. Quite a few times. I told her if she ever finds out my first name to let me know."

"You don't care that she's digging around in your past?" Kensi asked.

"It doesn't matter to me. It just means that she cares," Callen said with a shrug.

"Well it matters to me. If he had asked, given me a choice, maybe it would be different," she shook Deeks a look. "But instead he went out on his own and stuck his nose in something that he had no right to do. My past is my past. If I wanted to know what happened to Jack I would have looked myself."

"You want me to leave Fern?" Deeks asked. "Just say the words, and I will. In two weeks."

"I want you to leave now," she said, glaring at him.

"Two weeks. If we can't work together, if you can't be my partner, if you can't have my back, then I'll leave. But I'm not leaving today," he held his hand out to her. "What do you say, two week trial?"

She didn't take his hand. "Are you saying that you think I can't have your back?"

He nodded. "You're this upset with me; you're the one acting like you can't be a professional. So if in two weeks, you prove that you can't be, I'll go back to LAPD."

He watched her silently, knowing that she would rise to the challenge. Kensi hated to be told she couldn't do something, and he was sure if he pushed the right buttons, she would get rise to the challenge. And if he couldn't win her back in two weeks he didn't deserve to have her.

Kensi stared at him before nodded. "If I prove in two weeks that I can be a professional, but at the end of the two weeks I still want you to leave, will you?"

Deeks nodded. "That sounds fair. But if you prove that you can't be a professional, you're the one that had to leave. Agreed?"

She nodded. "I can be professional."

"Me too," Deeks said with a grin.

"I'll be over tonight to get my stuff," she said turning to the paperwork on her desk. "Can you try not to be home."

"Found a new place already?" Deeks asked, still staring at her.

"Nell said I can stay at her place," she said softly.

Deeks looked over at Callen. "I didn't even know she still had her own place."

Callen shrugged. "Something about me not wanting all her furniture and clutter in my house. It was a non-fight. She just told me that she didn't want to move her stuff in, so I didn't push her."

Deeks looked at Kensi and opened his mouth to say something. The look in her eyes stopped him. He sighed and went back to his paperwork. Two weeks. That's all he had to prove to her that he was worth another chance.

It had been a week, and she still didn't want to talk about what happened. He knew that she was just being stubborn at this point. He had noticed her watching him while they were at work, or before they went into the field, or sometimes even when they were chasing a suspect. She kept looking to make sure that he was still there, that he hadn't left her and wasn't going to. When he caught he doing it, he grinned and she scowled. He knew t wasn't over for him, and when he caught her looking, he knew it wasn't for her either.

Yet she insisted on being stubborn. She made comments about going out after work and meeting someone. She had spun an elaborate story until Callen pointed out that she was going out for coffee with Nell that night. Deeks had laughed at the betrayed look on her face.

He missed her the most at night. The bed they had picked out together seemed lonely without her and he found himself sleeping on the couch most nights instead of going into the bedroom where they had shared their lives.

If he could go back a week he would. He thought he had been doing the right thing when he looked for Jack. A couple of searches in the internet and an inquiry with the LAPD he had a phone number. All he wanted was for her to be able to get in touch with him if she wanted. He thought that the closure would be good for her. He thought it would give her what she needed to move forward, he thought that once she closed that chapter she would agree to marry him.

He dragged himself into work ten days after the fight looking exhausted. He hadn't slept much the night before; the couch was becoming more uncomfortable every night. Sam and Callen shot him a sympathetic look.

"Kensi not in yet?" he asked, sitting down in his chair.

Sam shook his head. "Nope. She said something about looking at apartments because she was tired of staying at Nell's."

Deeks nodded. "I'm leaving at the end of the week. Just thought I'd give you a heads up."

"Why?" Callen asked softly.

"Because she's not budging. She's working with me, but that's it, she's professional and she doesn't let her walls drop at all. She's locked me out of her life. And it hurts to see her everyday and not be able to touch her and not be able to laugh with her. I can't handle it."

"Going back to LAPD?" Sam asked.

Deeks shook his head. "No. I turned my notice in there. I'm leaving LA."

"What do you mean leaving LA?" Callen asked, sitting forward. "You can't leave LA."

Deeks shrugged. "I can't stay here. I can't keep seeing her. And I can't keep going to places that I went with her. I need to make a clean break. Hetty said she can see if anyone is looking for an agent and I'll just move wherever she tells me too."

"You're going to be an agent?" Sam asked. "Without us?"

Deeks nodded. "It's really my only option. I'm not a cop anymore. I can't go back to that. So this is the next best thing. I'll at least be doing something I love, and hopefully I can work so much that I forget about Kensi."

"Just like that, you'd leave?" Callen asked. "Give up and walk away?"

Deeks nodded. "I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, and I can't function. I can't handle seeing her every day and knowing that I've lost her. I can be professional at work, it isn't that. It's that I can't handle not having her in my life outside of work."

"All this because you tried to look at her past?" Callen asked. "I just don't get it."

Deeks sighed. "It's more than that. You guys saw the fight that night, but you didn't see what happened the night before."

"What happened the night before?" Sam asked, trying, but failing, to look uninterested.

"I sort of proposed. She came home and I had a bottle of wine, and roses, and I got down one knee, and opened the ring box and she freaked."

"So you poked around her past the next day?" Callen said, the realization hitting him. "To see why she freaked."

Deeks nodded. ""I know she used to be engaged to Jack so I thought If I could find him, give her some closure, maybe it would help things between us. Clearly it didn't."

"She thinks everyone eventually leaves her," Callen said softly. "So if you leave her, it's only going to reinforce what she already believes."

"I know that," Deeks said sadly. "But what else am I suppose to do. At what point do I give up?"

"I think it's better if he walks away, G," Sam said slowly. "If nothing else, she'll see what she's lost. Right now I think Kensi believes that as long as he's here, she hasn't lost him, and she can put him through whatever punishment she wants. I think for him, he needs to walk away. Maybe after some time away she'll realize what she did."

"So you're saying it's her fault?" Callen said, turning to his partner.

"I'm saying that she's the one doing the pushing away. Deeks needs to show her that he'll give her whatever she wants. And right now it's that she wants him to leave."

"And if she changes her mind?" Callen challenged.

Sam shrugged. "I hope she does. When she does I'm dragging him back her by his scruffy hair and everything will go back to the way it should be."

"Aww, you do like me Sam," Deeks said with a grin.

"I like the team," Sam said. "And I like it when people aren't messing with it."

Callen let out a low whistle and Sam and Deeks looked towards the door where Kensi has just walked in, a coffee holder in one hand and a bag from the bakery in the other.

"Hi guys," she said with a grin. "Thought you might be hungry."

She handed a drink to Sam and Callen and sat the third one on her own desk before passing around the bag of donuts.

"Not cool Kensi," Callen said with a frown as he stood and grabbed the coffee from her desk and sat it in front of Deeks. "You buy for the team that means you buy for the team. You don't get to choose who to give stuff to."

She tried to fake a surprised look. "Opps. I thought something looked off."

Deeks handed the drink back to her. "Save it Kensi. I get it. Don't worry. End of the week, I'm gone."

Deeks stormed from the room and headed toward the gym. He could feel Kensi's eyes following him, and for a moment he felt a small victory at gaining the upper hand. She had looked shocked when he announced he was leaving. Maybe it was time for her to realize how crappy she had been making him feel.

He had been working with the punching bag for about twenty minutes when she came in. Giving it a final kick, he turned to her.

"We have a case?"

She shook her head. "We need to talk Deeks."

He shrugged. "Not much to talk about. I get it, you're mad, I overstepped my boundaries, and I messed up what we had."

"That doesn't mean I want you to leave the team," she said softly.

"Really? Because you have a funny way of showing it. Leaving me out of team dinners, not bringing me coffee. You sure know how to make me feel welcomed," he shook his head. "I can't do it Kens. I can't work with you anymore and _not_be with you. So I'm leaving. I can be professional, but that isn't enough for me. I can't work beside you and not take you home and fall asleep beside you at the end of the day."

She nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Unless you're feeling differently," he said softly as he stepped toward her. "Unless you're ready to forgive me and work on what we had."

She shook her head. "It was just a thing. And now it's over."

"Then I'm leaving at the end of the week."

She nodded. "That's fine. It was only a matter of time before you left me."

He gave her an appraising look. "Yeah. It's only a matter of time before everyone leaves you Kensi. Maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's the fact that you push them away until they don't have a choice."

He stared at her for a moment before turning and walking out of the gym. He wasn't surprised when she didn't follow. If there had been any chance of changing her mind, he had just ruined it.

He tossed some cash at the cabby and headed toward his apartment. He had gone to the bar after work, and had lost count of the number of beers he had. Not nearly enough. He was sure by the end of this night he would clear out the rest in his fridge.

He was halfway into the kitchen when he heard a noise. Spinning around, he called out Kensi's name, wondering if she had come back. He heard a ball bat hit something, but he didn't feel it right away. It wasn't until he was falling toward the floor that he realized something was wrong.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he managed to drag his eyes open. His fingers fumbled in his pocket and he pulled out his phone. He hit a single speed dial button before passing back out.

Kensi stepped into the office carefully balancing a tray of coffee and a box of donuts. She knew Callen had been right yesterday, it hadn't been fair of her to exclude Deeks. The fact that he was leaving, the way he announced it yesterday had scared her. She had always figured that he would stay as long as she wanted him to. She had all the time in the world to get over things and decide what she wanted. He would always be there waiting for her to come back.

Nell had tried to talk her into going out for coffee the night before but she had refused and instead opted to stay at a hotel. She knew she was now avoiding Nell the way she had been Deeks but she needed to figure out what she wanted. Now she knew. She didn't want him to leave. Whatever it took to make him stay on the team at the end of the week she was willing to do. She just needed more time before she went back to him and said yes. She had assumed that he knew that. Clearly he didn't.

"Where's Deeks?" she asked as she handed Sam and Callen coffee. "He in the gym? Or is he trying to avoid me?"

Callen looked at Sam and nodded. "Let's go for a ride Kensi. We need to talk."

Kensi shook her head. "A ride where? Where's Deeks you guys? What, he go and do something at the apartment and you want me to see? He leave in the middle of the night and you want to show me his empty apartment?"

Callen shook his head, his face grim. "Come on Kensi. I'll tell you in the car."

"Tell me now Callen. You're scaring me," she turned to Sam. "Sam, what's going on?"

"Go with Callen. He'll tell you all about it," Sam said calmly.

She didn't miss the fear in Sam's eyes. "Guys, what's wrong?"

"Kensi, in the car. Please," Callen forced out the last word. "I don't want you losing it in here ok. We will talk in the car."

Kensi shook her head and backed away from their desks. "Tell me now Callen. What's wrong? What happened to Marty?"

"He's alive Kens, I promise. Now please get in the car and we'll talk," Callen said reaching his hand out to her, the use of Deeks's first name not lost on him.

She shook her head and backed further away from him. "Swear he's alive."

"I swear Kensi. I would not lie about that," he said.

She finally nodded and let him guide her out of the mission. Once they were in the car, she turned to him, waiting for him to tell her what was wrong.

"There was a break-in at his apartment last night. They got the drop on Deeks and knocked him out. It's just a bump on the head. He's in the ICU," Callen said softly, squeezing her hand.

"Why is he in the ICU?" she asked, shaking her head as the words sunk in.

"His blood alcohol was really high when he was attacked," Callen said slowly. "It's made the head trauma a little more unstable and he's slipped into a coma."

"So it's not just a bump on the head?"Kensi asked.

"It is. And without the alcohol in his system he would have been fine. But he was out a long time between when he was hurt and when he got to the ER. And with the additional of alcohol, and things, he hasn't woken up."

"Things? What things?" Kensi asked.

"He doesn't seem to want to wake up," Callen said softly. "The doctors said even with everything he shouldn't still be unconscious, but they can't get him to wake up."

"I want to see him," she said as she tried to hold back her tears. "I need to see him."

Callen nodded. "We're going to go see him now. Hetty and Nell are with him right now, but Hetty said they'll leave when you get there."

"Why didn't anyone call me?" she asked as a tear slipped down her face. "When it happened why wasn't I called?"

"We wanted to know what was going on before we told you," he said.

"What if he died before I found out," said as the tears began falling harder. "Would you have called me then?"

"Would it matter to you?" Callen asked sharply.

She pulled her hand out of his, shocked at his words. "What is that suppose to mean?"

"I'm sorry Kens. I didn't mean it like that, but I'm not going to lie to you. The doctor's think he isn't waking up because he doesn't want to wake up. It's almost like he doesn't have the will to live," Callen shook his head. "I can't imagine what that is."

"So it's my fault." Kensi said softly. "That's what you all think."

"I didn't say that Kens," Callen said softly.

"I should have been there last night. If I had been there it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have been drunk, and we…" she shook her head and trailed off and looked at Callen. "I love him, G."

Callen nodded. "I know Kens. And I don't think it's your fault. None of us think that. But I do think the fact that Deeks thinks he's lost you is one of the reasons he's not fighting to wake up. Wherever his mind is right now, it's easier to be there than to wake up and face a life without you."

"I don't want to lose him," she said, her voice breaking. "I know I was stupid. And I was going to come in today and tell him that, and tell him I wanted another chance. And now I may not get that."

"Have some faith in him Kens. Come on. We'll get you to the hospital, and you can tell him all this."

She nodded and leaned against the seat of the car. She vacantly watched out the window as Callen drove to the hospital. Neither of them spoke until he pulled into a parking space.

"G?" Kensi asked softly. "How did you guys know he was in trouble?"

"He called Nell," Callen took a deep breath. "When she answered it was just dead air. She tracked his phone and we found him."

"Thank you," she whispered as she slipped from the car.

She let Callen guide how down the hall through the hospital to the ICU rooms. She had just turned the corner when she caught sight of Nell standing outside of a room. When she caught sight of Kensi she ran towards her, tears streaming from her eyes.

She wrapped her arms around Kensi sobbing. "I'm so sorry Kens. I can't believe it, I just. It's horrible."

A lump settled in Kensi's stomach. He was gone. She was too late to do anything. They had kept her from him for too long and now he was gone. She pulled away from Nell and took a step backwards, getting ready to walk away. Callen's hand on her back stopped her.

"What happened Nell?" he asked softly.

Nell looked up at the two of them and suddenly gasp. "Oh, Kensi. No. That's not what I meant. He's still in a coma. I just meant it was horrible that it happened. Not horrible that something more happened. I'm sorry. I've been awake for too long, Callen and I never did get to bed last night and unlike him, I actually need to sleep. I'm sorry I scared you even more than you already are."

Callen softly rubbed Kensi's back as he wrapped his free arm around Nell. "It's ok Nell. We'll take you home and get you to bed in just a few more minutes. Hetty, Sam and Eric can handle things at work today."

Nell nodded and looked at Kensi. "He'll be fine. Once he knows you're there and that you still love him, he'll be fine."

"I do love him, Nell," Kensi said softly. "I know I made a mess of things, but I never stopped."

Nell nodded. "I know. And he knows it too. He just needs you to remind him."

"Go ahead," Callen said gently giving her a push toward the door.

She looked back at them, Nell cuddled against Callen, his chin resting on her head. She missed that. And she would do anything to get it back. She stepped into the room and stared.

"Aww, Miss Blye, there you are," Hetty said as she rose from the chair beside the hospital bed. "I was just telling Mr. Deeks that you were on your way."

"Is he?" she stepped closer to the bed.

"Still asleep, but I'm sure now that you're here that will change," Hetty said. "He's just been waiting for the right time to wake up."

Kensi nodded and crossed the room to stand beside the bed. "He looks like he's sleeping."

Hetty nodded and patted her hand. "I'm sure he will wake soon Miss Blye."

"I love him Hetty," she said softly as more tears fell from her eyes.

"I know dear," she said as she squeezed her hand. "And Mr. Deeks feels the same way about you."

"He asked me to marry him. And then we fought. But…" Kensi shook her head.

"When he wakes I suggest you tell him yes," Hetty said gently. "Now, I will leave him in your capable hands. I have an agency to run and we seem to be very low on staff today. You will call me when he wakes."

Kensi nodded and watched Hetty slip from the room. Sitting down in the chair, she took Deeks's hand in her own.

"I'm here Marty. All you need to do is wake up," she said softly, running her fingers over his hands. "I'm right here. I'm never leaving again. I promise. All you need to do is wake up for me. Please. Please wake up for me. I need you. I need you so much."

He remained motionless in the bed and she laid her head on the bed, giving into the tears she couldn't hold back. She squeezed his hand between hers, hoping that he would magically wake up.

She spent the day there, refusing to leave even when the doctors came into the room. She listened to everything that they told her and called Hetty with every update that she had. She made the doctors go over every scan and test that they did on Deeks with her. She asked more questions than she ever asked suspects. She was sure that she was bordering on obsession but she couldn't make herself stop.

The nurses kept trying to feed her, and she was acutely aware of the fact that she hadn't eaten all day, but no matter what they brought her, nothing looked good to her. The only thing she would accept was coffee. She was sure that it was the only think keeping her running.

"You've been here all day Miss Blye, you need to eat something," a redheaded nurse said to her when it was dark outside. "Mr. Deeks won't like it when he wakes up and finds out you haven't taken care of yourself."

She looked at the marker board where the nurses had been writing their names as their shifts started. It was either Maria or Olivia that was trying to force food on her. She shook her head. "I don't want anything, Maria is it? I'm sorry; I just know that I can't eat right now."

"Jell-o"

Kensi spun around toward the bed and stared.

"She'll eat jell-o. The green kind."

"Marty?" She said softly, crossing the room.

His eyes met hers and she burst into tears. She raised her hand, brushing his hair out of her face. She could see the confusion on his face. She was going to explain what happened when the doctor rushed in and ushered her aside.

Taking the moment while the doctor checked him over to call Hetty and share the news with her. Closing her phone she was sure the rest of the team would be there in a matter of minutes.

The doctor stepped away from Deeks and smiled at her. "It looks like he'll be fine. We'll keep him here for a few days for observation, but he should make a full recovery."

"Thank you," Kensi said a smile ghosting over her face for the first time that day.

Maria looked at Deeks and then at Kensi. "I'm going to go find him a dinner plate. And I will get you some green jell-o."

Kensi nodded as Maria followed the doctor out of the room. With a grin she turned to Deeks.

"I don't remember any of it," Deeks said. "I remember getting out of the cab. That's it."

"I don't want you to leave," Kensi said, slipping onto the bed beside him. "I don't want you to leave California, or NCIS, or me."

Deeks shifted, wrapping his arm around her. "Really?"

She nodded against his chest. "Really. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it. You can poke at anything in my life that you want for as long as you want."

"Really?" he asked again, his voice only a whisper.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I know that I was stupid, and I just drug the fight on to torture you, and I shouldn't have, and when Callen told me what happened and I thought I lost you. I can't lose you. I love you too much."

She buried her head against his chest, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. She could have stayed like that for the rest of the night until she felt him shift uncomfortable. Slipping off the bed, she settled on the chair and took his hand.

"I'm a little sore," he said squeezing her hand. "But I love you too, Fern."

"I have an answer," she said softly. "To the question you asked."

"I was hoping you did," he said with a smile.

"Yes."


End file.
